The Intensity

The Intensity by JOPEN, claims to do many things. “After using Intensity, you will notice that all of your orgasms (both solo and with a partner) are more frequent and more intense.  This is because the internal stimulation strengthens your vaginal muscles and research has proven that stronger vaginal muscles result in more powerful and longer orgasms.”

For starters, It has not been proven that the internal stimulation strengthens your vaginal muscles. This claim bothered me a little because I love research but the truth is that this is a sex toy – so why do they need to prove anything? It really is just for pleasure. The device is actually called an “adult novelty product” and retails for $170. That price point is actually a little high for a vibrator, though my guess is that it is more costly because of the stimulation contacts.

Secondly, there is very little research to prove that stronger pelvic floor muscles actually improve your orgasms. Stronger pelvic floor muscles improve your vaginal health and can help with incontinence but claims that they improve your sexuality have yet to be substantiated.

Intensity was created by two doctors, Ryan Brown Cassaday and Jessica Cassaday. They are relationship experts and they have written a book called, “Stop Wondering if You’ll Ever Meet Him: A Revolutionary Approach for Putting the Date back into Dating”. Though that certainly qualifies them to talk about the importance of vibrators in a relationship, I do not think it qualifies them to make claims about the anatomical and biological benefits of the device.

Because I am in the business of reviewing vibrators I like to give everything a fair shot and I applaud innovation, but I would say the jury is still out on this one. The results were split, some liked it and some did not. The person who liked it she said she would have liked it even more if it was really improving her pelvic floor. The one who did not like it said she found the electro-stimulation an unpleasant feeling.

The company that makes the Intensity is now working on a new device created solely for pelvic floor strength and to treat incontinence. They are still awaiting FDA approval but the device and the preliminary research looks good.  If that device gets approved I would certainly give it a try and possibly recommend that, because I do believe all women need to have pelvic floor strength and this may be a good way to get it.

 

Vibrating Ben Wah Balls

A vibrator can literally be anything that vibrates. I have had women explain that they have used everything from a vibrating tooth brush to a  washing machine to turn themselves on. So in my pursuit for good quality vibrators, I will explore any option. So why not vibrating ben wah balls?

Ben wah balls have been used for centuries to strengthen women’s kegel muscles, and provide subtle stimulation to the wearer (or even stimulation for a man) during intercourse. So it might follow that vibrating ben wah balls would increase all that for a woman and a man.

Unfortunately, that is not true! Vibrating ben wah balls have a weak vibration, and vibration in the vaginal canal provides little added stimulation or pleasure for a man or a woman. Sometimes a seemingly good idea should remain just that….an idea.

Vibrators

“More than half of 2,056 women, aged 18 to 60, used a vibrator either during masturbation or intercourse”, says Debby Herbenick, PhD, MPH, associate director of the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University, Bloomington, who led the survey.

If more than half of all women use vibrators, why is there still such a stigma around using them or talking openly about using them?  I frequently see women who have difficulty having orgasms, and yet when I suggest a vibrator they resist exploring them. Many women, particularly as they age, need increased stimulation, and vibrators are an excellent way to get it.

In my practice we often ask women to go into a medical office, cover the vibrators with condoms and try a few.  We find that this is the best way for women to discover what kind of vibrator feels good.  They are generally surprised by what they like. When I show women a selection of vibrators from a small pink bullet to a large Hitachi Magic Wand, most women will opt for the small pink bullet, because visually it is appealing and unassuming. However, 9 out of 10 women after trying a selection of vibrators ranging in size from small to large and weak to strong, opt for large and strong! That’s just the way it is. You can’t judge a book by its cover, as they say, and you certainly can’t judge a vibrator without trying it.

Glass Vibrators

I thought glass vibrators would be fabulous because they can be sterilized. They can be thrown in to the dish washer. They can be heated up or cooled down. They can adjust quickly to your body temperature. And oddly enough they are more beautiful than most regular vibrators. However they also suck!

In my quest to explore all vibrators on the market, I looked into quite a few glass ones.

First, I ordered a long cylindrical  shaped one with a vibrating bullet that slid into the base. Though it was lovely to look at, the two parts fit together poorly and the vibration was weak and in the wrong places. I ordered another called a “juicer” which does in fact look like a juicer but does not vibrate and is supposed to be rotated inside the vagina which provides no sexual stimulation at all. The third glass vibrator I considered was narrow and long in shape, with a plastic vibrating center encased in a glass sleeve. This was the best of the three but still ineffective.

If you have an aversion to plastic or silicone  vibrators you can certainly try a glass vibrator. I think they are a good option for someone looking to avoid plastics, but to date I have not found one I can honestly endorse.

Ben Wah Balls

Ben Wah balls are often called other things like Benoit balls, Orgasm balls or Geisha balls. If they are larger and made of plastic they are called duotone balls. There is documentation that they have been used all over the world for centuries. For women they have been used by cultures from China to Egypt.

Regardless of what you call them or how you heard about them, they are generally used for 2 reasons- either as a subtle stimulant or to strengthen the pelvic floor. Some believe that wearing them and rocking in a chair is a turn-on. Others say just inserting them and wearing them throughout the day can be stimulating. For pelvic floor strengthening, a practitioner may instruct you to put them in and keep them in for as long as possible. The smaller ones require quite strong pelvic floor muscles and if those muscles get stronger it can help with urinary incontinence.

For someone beginning to explore them I would suggest the larger duotone balls, made in plastic and generally attached with a string that makes pulling them out very easy. For the more experienced user the metal or glass beads are fine. They are sometimes elaborately made with flowers or designs within the balls and can also be used internally during sex or with a clitoral vibrator.

Ben Wah balls  are not very commonly used these days by women.  The  reason may very well be that there are far easier ways to strengthen your pelvic floor and to find subtle ways to be stimulated throughout the day. That being said, they can be fun. If you want to give them a try, start with the larger ones and graduate to the smaller ones. After all, a strong pelvic floor is good for many reasons; it can make sex for you and your partner more enjoyable and it can help with your over all pelvic floor health.

The Juicer

Don’t let the name is dissuade you. Though many of  us have no sexual connotations when we think of a juicer, you just might after you try this dildo. Or you may not!  The juicer is a glass dildo. “The Clear Nubby Melon Crank from Don Wands is the most inexpensive juicer dildo availlable . They’re called juicers because the head is sculpted to look like a fruit juicer and they’re designed to be turned in a circular motion using the handle.  The shaft attaches to a round plate, which then attaches to the handle. The plate has the same type of bumps around its perimeter, which are designed to stimulate the clitoris while its being twisted.”  I am not exactly sure who would prefer this to a vibrator, but I bet there are women who do. Sex is utterly subjective and idiosyncratic. So if you are looking for something new, give it a try.

 

There are many benefits to using a glass sex toy. They  are dishwasher safe and can therefore be sterilized.  They can be great for anyone with a latex or silicone allergy. Glass sex toys can also generally be heated or cooled based on your preference.

Turn Your Man Into a Bunny? I Don’t Think So!

The Rabbit Penis Ring made by California Exotics  is made of a super soft stretchy  silicone. It is a pink rabbit shaped cock ring. “A small vibrating bullet slides into the bunny’s face, so the ears and nose vibrate with a gentle flutter. There are no wires, so you can stay super close to your partner. Even better, the Virtual Bunny, as it is known, is whisper quiet.  The science behind the Rabbit Cock Ring: The stretchy ring is placed around the base of his erect penis. This applies slight pressure to restrict blood flow out of the penis, allowing it to inflate more fully. The result is a stronger, fuller erection. The vibrating portion of the ring turns him into a vibrator. During intercourse, the bullet portion of the ring can be positioned to provide incredible clitoral stimulation. “ This what they claim about this vibrator on their web site and it is not true.

This is no Rabbit vibrator! Any time clitoral stimulation is dependent on thrusting it is basically a nightmare.   In my quest to help women with their orgasms during intercourse, I have tested many of these rings or I should say my incredibly sweet and helpful boyfriend has tried many of them. I feel they are primarily ineffective in helping women achieve orgasm during intercourse. Most women need constant stimulation. In most female vibrators, even if the vibrator pulses the contact with the clitoris is uninterrupted. Most women need that kind of direct contact which a cock ring cannot provide.  If you really want an orgasm during intercourse try the We Vibe. It is a u shaped vibrator that has 2 parts. One part goes into the vagina with your partner’s penis and the other goes on the clitoris.  Because of the way it is shaped it can provide constant stimulation which should do the job!

Variety is the Spice of Life!

I often hear women and men complain that they are bored in the bedroom. They love their partners, the have sex, they have orgasms and yet..they are bored, bored, bored! You know what I am going to say? Try a vibrator! Actually what I am really going to say is try a few..all in the same night!  I know it may sound crazy but it can be fun and it certainly changes things up. Human beings are generally creatures of habit but what really tends to turn us all on is newness and variety.  Most people fondly remember the first few months with their partner as being particularly hot. Or maybe a one night stand or possibly an early somewhat risky experience.  The unknown can definitely increase your desire and make things more fun and exciting.

If you are someone who has many vibrators, try a few all in one night.  Maybe your proclivity for one has changed. Maybe your body has changed. Maybe your partner’s way of using it on you can change. And if you are someone who doesn’t have many, order a few new ones. Vibrators come in all shapes sizes and price points. There are several that are fun and inexpensive. The companies I would recommend for good, clean and cheap fun are Trojan, Natural Contours and California Exotics. They all carry bullet vibrators for under 25 dollars. So have a cheap date and have fun!

My Closet is X-rated!!

Not only do I love my job because I get to help people, but I also get to constantly explore and test out anything that has to do with increasing one’s sexual pleasure. It recently occurred to me that my closet is x-rated and that when my child goes looking for something in my room it might be better if he didn’t! I realize that most people may not have the time, energy or resources to spice up their sex life, so I wanted to write about the things that you can do for very little money and very little time that might make having sex a lot more fun, and that happen to be in my closet as I write this!

Massage candles are candles that burn at a cooler temperature and then turn into a massage oil. You might wonder,  “who has time for that?”, but it doesn’t need to be an all-night activity. They burn quickly and  smell good.  A  few minutes of massage with something that is warm and feels great might change your whole night, and when you are having fun and experiencing  pleasure it stays with you the next day.

Vibrators come in so many shapes, styles, sizes and intensities. If you are someone who has never used one you should try it and if you are someone who uses one regularly, try a new one.  I write about them often because for many women they are a necessity. There are also several that can be used during intercourse so if a woman or a man feels that a vibrator will be replacing them, don’t fret; try one that can be used together.

Lubricants can also open up a whole new world. Some women need one all the time, some never do. Much like vibrators there are so many different kinds to try. There are lubricants that are:  water based,  silicone based, organic, warming  and edible. Even if you are someone who has never used one, you can try a few to add something new.

Esther Perel in her book “Mating in Captivity”, poses that comfort and security can kill your sex life. I am from an attachment theory background so I do not necessarily agree. But I do think that people need variety to feel excited and alive, so try something new, you will be glad you did!

Vibrating Panties

If the words “vibrating panties” conjure scenes in your head like the one of Catherine Heigl  in the movie “The Ugly Truth”, you might be extremely disappointed. I looked at few and though some are better than others none of them really deliver an amazing sexual experience.  Of course sex in real life  is generally different than sex in the movies.  My goal is for people to be having the best experience possible.

The vibrating panties  with the best reviews are from Dr. Laura Berman’s website. The  panties themselves are quite cute. They are made of  a soft black lace and could pass for regular underwear.  However, the mechanism is a real disaster. It sits inside a  pocket in the crotch of panties and because it is placed within the existing seams it sits near the opening of the vagina rather than on the clitoris.  The motor, though battery operated and remote, is extremely weak.

A better option is made by California Exotic Novelties.  The thong looks like something out of the Pulp Fiction S&M scene. Though they look rubbery and unattractive, the fit and feel is not completely uncomfortable. The motor is situated in the right spot and for most women it will provide clitoral stimulation.  The mechanism does not create a strong vibration but for women who don’t need a lot of intensity, this should work. These undies might actually give someone an orgasm.

If the biggest part of the turn on is someone else controlling the experience for you, another option is   a vibrator that is made by Hustler and comes in various shapes (like a butterfly) and sizes, can be worn or held and is controlled by a remote. It is a much larger vibrator than the other two mentioned. It is advertised as wearable under clothing but I am not so sure that would be a particularly comfortable  thing to do. However, the stimulation is more intense and the experience might be more satisfying for someone who likes a stronger vibrator.

Real sex is better than movie sex, because it can be exactly as you want to be. So try new things and see what happens.