My Closet is X-rated!!

Not only do I love my job because I get to help people, but I also get to constantly explore and test out anything that has to do with increasing one’s sexual pleasure. It recently occurred to me that my closet is x-rated and that when my child goes looking for something in my room it might be better if he didn’t! I realize that most people may not have the time, energy or resources to spice up their sex life, so I wanted to write about the things that you can do for very little money and very little time that might make having sex a lot more fun, and that happen to be in my closet as I write this!

Massage candles are candles that burn at a cooler temperature and then turn into a massage oil. You might wonder,  “who has time for that?”, but it doesn’t need to be an all-night activity. They burn quickly and  smell good.  A  few minutes of massage with something that is warm and feels great might change your whole night, and when you are having fun and experiencing  pleasure it stays with you the next day.

Vibrators come in so many shapes, styles, sizes and intensities. If you are someone who has never used one you should try it and if you are someone who uses one regularly, try a new one.  I write about them often because for many women they are a necessity. There are also several that can be used during intercourse so if a woman or a man feels that a vibrator will be replacing them, don’t fret; try one that can be used together.

Lubricants can also open up a whole new world. Some women need one all the time, some never do. Much like vibrators there are so many different kinds to try. There are lubricants that are:  water based,  silicone based, organic, warming  and edible. Even if you are someone who has never used one, you can try a few to add something new.

Esther Perel in her book “Mating in Captivity”, poses that comfort and security can kill your sex life. I am from an attachment theory background so I do not necessarily agree. But I do think that people need variety to feel excited and alive, so try something new, you will be glad you did!

Slippery When Wet

As with most aspects of sexuality, everyone has different proclivities and the important thing is to explore and discover what you like. The same can be said of lubricants. There are a million on the market and you need to spend a little time trying them and figuring out what suits you.

The basic thing to know when you are beginning to explore them is that there are basically 2 types: water based and silicone. Water based obviously has  a different, more natural feel but it may not last as long. Silicone will last longer, but may not have a consistency you enjoy. Silicone lubricants cannot be used with silicone vibrators because they may cause disintegration, so that is another thing to keep in mind.

Flavored lubricants are another option. Water based lubricants come in many flavors and can be another fun thing for you and your partner to explore.  But be warned – they can be pretty sticky.

Another thing to keep in mind is that silicone lubricants generally kill sperm or make it harder for them to swim. So if you are working on pregnancy silicone lubricants are not a good idea. There is a lubricant on the market called Pre, which was created for the period of time when couples are trying to conceive.

Though there are many companies marketing this on the market there seem to be just a few that my patients seem to like consistently. Astroglide, (both water and silicone) are good. Kamasutra makes both water and silicone that also seem to  work for many people and the company H20 makes an edible lubricant in several flavors that can certainly add another dimension to any activity involving lubrication.

Lubricants may not be needed all the time. Some women use it all the time, some need it at some point in their cycle, some women need it as they age or for certain activities. Either way, it can be really fun to explore them for any reason, so give it a try!